Yuppy Mom

New Obsession

2012-01-13T20:25:00.002-07:00

I know that by now you've all heard of Pinterest. If you haven't, where have you been? The best way that I can describe it is that it's like a virtual bulletin board for you to sort anything from recipes to home decor ideas.

Tonight I decided to try one of my "pins", the one for a "Mug Cake". You can Goggle it and hundreds of pages come up with as many recipes. I'm normally not a fan of chocolate but AF arrived this morning. In light of this I chose a brownie recipe.

Here it is all mixed up and ready for the microwave:

Here it is 1 minute later (I added the marshmallows):

Yum!

Very tasty! I will definitely try this again.

- Posted from my iPhone

Santa Fail - Part Deux!

2011-12-07T17:45:00.002-07:00

Better luck next year.

- Posted from my iPhone

Santa Fail!

2011-11-30T09:54:00.000-07:00

The photographer who has taken all of our photos this past year brings Santa into his studio each year. He charges only slightly more than the mall, plus you get a booked appointment time and your photos are taken by a professional. Yesterday was Santa day.

Our day did not start out well. Nathan (and hence me) slept horribly the night before. I tried to get him to nap around 9 am. He did fall asleep but woke up as soon as I placed him in his crib. We left the house at 11:20 for our appointment. The drive took us about 25 minutes - of which Nathan slept 20 minutes. The studio was very busy with lots of kids in pyjamas waiting for their photo with Santa.

Chris (the photographer) told me to stay in the lobby and get Nathan all ready. He got himself and Santa ready in the studio. Then he called my name and said to just walk in, put N on Santa's lap and back away. All the while Chris was making lots of distracting noises for N. No dice. My boy will not be fooled! He started wailing the second that I let him go!

In the interest of full disclosure I was truly not expecting him to be all happy and excited to see Santa. Let's face it, Santa can be pretty scary to an almost 1 year old!

Since I've known Chris for a number of years, and referred lots of business his way, he told me to hang out in the studio to let Nathan chill out. And chill out he did. He even laughed at Chris' antics while he was trying to get the next kid to smile.

So we tried again. This time I suggested we give him a candy cane to chew on to distract him. Nathan loved that idea! So our second try at a photo resulting in him screaming with a candy cane in his mouth!

No worries, I selected the first shot of him wailing on Santa's knee. I figure that I can use it to embarrass him with when he's older. Besides, he's still cute!

After that adventure I went across the street to the pottery place and we made our tree ornament for 2011. Here it is before I add the date.

By the time the ornament is ready, the photos should be too. I can't wait to see both of the finished products!

Raising A Reader

2011-11-23T09:19:00.002-07:00

Both Hubby & I love to read. It's very important to me that Nathan learn to love a book as well. I have great memories of reading books with my dad when I was young.

Nathan is so busy and is always up to something it seems. It's hard to imagine that he ever stops long enough to hear us read to him. But he does. He already has his favourites. I captured these images off the webcam that we have over his crib.

Here he is reading his book when he wakes up from his nap:

Then he looks over and sees his toy:

And he brings his toy over:

And proceeds to read with him:

I love scrolling through these photos on my phone. So cute!

- Posted from my iPhone

Location:Raising a Reader

It's Halloween, Don't be Cheap!

2011-10-31T08:21:00.000-06:00

It's Halloween! And unless you live in the eastern part of North America, it's going to be a pretty nice fall day. (sorry, Nor'easterners, I don't feel bad for you. I've trick or treated in -20C weather with snow up to my waist as a child. It's called building character).

Expect to see photos of Nathan on his first Halloween in a day or two, but that's not what I wanted to write about today.

I've been reading a blog written by a former friend. While we are no longer friends, I still care about her family. She's been blogging about how much debt they have and how they are trying to climb out from under it (I debated sharing the link, but I don't think that she knows I've been reading). I do feel really bad for them. It's definitely hard to raise kids on a budget and I can't imagine trying to raise 3 kids while having $500K in debt!

So the other day she writes about how they are cutting back. One way that they are cutting back is by not buying any Halloween candy. They fully intent to take their 3 kids door to door to collect candy, but they are not going to reciprocate to the other children in the neighbourhood.

I have no problem if you do not want to hand out Halloween candy. I truly don't. Turn off your porch light and be done with it. But I do have a problem with accepting candy from others for your 3 kids, and not handing any out in return. If you want your kids to have the experience but don't want to take part in it yourself, then take them to the mall to Trick or Treat.

I also have a problem when people say that it's "too expensive". That's crap. You don't have to buy expensive candy to give out (like chocolate bars or potato chips), there are other candies out there. Plus, if you wait until a couple of days before Halloween, it's always on sale.

This year I spent a whopping $1 on our Halloween candy! Last month the grocery store was clearing out their stock of freezies, so I bought a bag. I've handed them out in the past and the kids love them. Sometimes you just have to be creative!

Have a great (and safe) Halloween!

So, So Tired

2011-10-26T08:20:00.000-06:00

If you Google "sleeping baby images" thousands of images of sleeping babies come up. None of which are our child. At 10 and a half months, Nathan still does not sleep through the night, nor does he make up for it with naps.

When he was born he was only 5 lbs, 7oz. When we left the hospital he was only 5 lbs. The doctors, nurses and the lactation consultant said to wake him to eat every 3 hours - and this is where I think our problems began. Yes, it was important that he eat, but I still wonder how long he would have slept if we hadn't been waking him up.

As he got older, our family doctor told me outright not to do any "sleep training" with him as he is still very thin and he probably wakes up to eat because he's hungry. So we're fast approaching his first birthday (much too soon), and he's still skinny, but he's also tall, very active, and meeting his milestones too - but still not sleeping through the night.

A "typical" day for us lately is:

Nathan wakes up around 7 am (although the past few mornings he's woken up at 6)
We eat (he often refuses cereal and just wants a portion of a bottle - he's a morning grazer)
We play - he will watch Baby T.V. while I eat and read e-mail
He goes for a bath
And, usually, he will nap about 3 hours after he wakes up. This gives me 30 minutes to get dressed, make the bed, clean the kitchen, and basically get ready for the rest of the day. Yes, you read that right - 30 minutes.
After he gets up we'll either go and run some errands or just hang out until Hubby comes home for lunch. I try to avoid running errands near "nap time" because I'd rather he sleep in his crib than in the car
The afternoon usually consists of another nap of approx. 30 minutes and, if we didn't go out in the morning, an outing (errands, walk, etc).
He's usually due for a nap around 5 pm but this is when he starts to fight it. By 6:30 he's really pushing it but by now I don't want him to nap because it's close to bedtime.
By 7:30 - 8pm it is bedtime. Either Hubby or I will take him up, give him a bottle and put him to bed.

And this is where it gets ugly. Last night for example:

7:30 pm - Nathan goes to bed
9:30 pm - Nathan wakes up - I go in to rock him back to sleep
10:30 pm - Nathan wakes up - I go in to rock him back to sleep. As soon as I put him back in the crib, he wakes up. Repeat the process 4 times.
11:30 pm - Nathan still awake and getting very upset. Give in, make up a bottle - he sucks back 6 oz of formula like he's starved.
11:45 pm - Nathan dozing. Continue to rock him in the chair for 15 minutes to make sure he's really asleep.
12 (midnight) - put him back in crib. Nathan wakes up. Pick him up, rock him. He proceeds to wake up each time I try to sit.
12:30 am - Ensure that he is mostly asleep, bring him into bed with me. Ensuring that at least I will get some sleep.
5:30 am - Nathan starts to stir - Mom gets kicked repeatedly
5:30 - 6 am - ignore baby in bed hoping he goes back to sleep
6 am - give in. Go back to Nathan's room. Change diaper, make up another bottle. Bottle gives Nathan sudden burst of energy.
6:15 am - still in denial. Hoping if I continue to rock that the motion will put him to sleep.
6:25 am - realize that I have no control. Look at cat sleeping on my bed longingly as I walk by with the baby to start our day.

And this was a good night. It's not uncommon for him to wake up at 1 am or 3 am to eat and "play" for a couple of hours. To recap: yesterday he napped for a total of 1 hour, 20 minutes, then slept off and on for maybe 7 hours last night. So in the past 24 hour period, my child has slept through roughly 9 hours of it. This can't be normal! Right now I'm blaming teething, but nothing that I seem to do to help him, has helped me.

My only saving grace is that he's a very happy child. Thank goodness for that!

True, True

2011-10-24T16:31:00.000-06:00

In the spirit of pure honesty, I have to admit that I used to be a lot like this. Oh, how I hate to admit it now. (Click to enlarge)

2011-10-21T12:28:00.001-06:00

A spill-proof bowl?

Is no match for a 10 month old.

- Posted from my iPhone

Facing Reality

2011-10-11T12:51:00.000-06:00

Nathan is 10 months old. For 10 months I have blissfully pushed aside the facts, but as my maternity leave winds to a close I am forced to now face those facts. I will have to go back to work.

I am truly blessed to live in a great country that allows for 50 weeks of combined maternity/parental leave. I am also lucky that my employer will let me take a few more weeks before returning to work on top of that (there's very little point in returning to work in December). But I don't want to go back!

Staying at home has been challenging. Just when I think I've got things all figured out, something changes. Lately Nathan's been waking up several times at night again and refusing to nap during the day. And as I'm feeding/rocking/bouncing/begging him back to sleep at 3 am I look at the clock and realize that if I was back at work, my alarm clock would be going off in a couple of hours.

Now I have no right to whine or complain - I'm not the first mom to ever face this. But truly, the thought of having a stranger look after, and raise my son, makes me ill. I would love to be able to stay home until at least next fall. Financially I do not think that will be an option.

I'm doing my best to enjoy these final few weeks at home with Nathan, but at the same time I'm beginning the dreaded task of looking for childcare.

How did you do it?

Slow Down Boy!

2011-09-13T08:41:00.000-06:00

I love watching Nathan develop and discover new things. It's so fun to see the world through his eyes. Who knew that something as simple as a plastic lid could be so interesting?

My problem is that he seems to be discovering a lot very quickly! It seems that one day he was crawling and only a couple of days later he had mastered the stairs. And now he's mastered the art of pulling up on things. My brother was an early walker at 9 months and I'm beginning to wonder if Nathan will literally follow in his footsteps.

Other than genetics I blame the cats. If they weren't so darn cute Nathan wouldn't be in such a hurry to pet them! They keep trying to get out of his way, and he keeps outsmarting them. At first they would sit across the room from him, so he started to roll and then crawl their way. Next they would sit above the family room (the family room is sunken by 2 steps). Um yeah, did they really think that would keep him away? So then they started to spend more time on the couch, so he had to start pulling up.

Don't get me wrong, there are great benefits to having a mobile baby:

I really should have registered for this!

New Favourite Blog!

2011-09-02T21:27:00.000-06:00

I came across a new blog and I love it! Admittedly I've only read a couple of posts on How To Be A Dad.com but I'm already hooked. It must be the awesome charts and diagrams:

Lots of Fingerprints

2011-08-29T13:35:00.001-06:00

Our floor is covered with fingerprints (and knee-prints) too!

YouTube Video

The poor cat just couldn't get away.

- Posted from my iPhone

Wordless Wednesday

2011-08-24T21:32:00.001-06:00

- Posted from my iPhone

The End of the Breast

2011-08-20T22:26:00.000-06:00

Since discovering that I am starving my child (a self-diagnosis), The Babe has been getting formula supplement in addition to solids and breast feeding. I'm feeling mixed emotions about this. I'm happy that he's getting the nourishment that he needs. I'm sad that I can no longer supply that nourishment.

The strange thing is that I actually had never planned to breast feed at all. The intellectual part of me knows that "breast is best", the physical part of me would cringe at the thought of it. Hubby really wanted me to breast feed (and of course the doctors pushed it as well). I agreed to give it a try, Hubby agreed that if I was not happy with it, then I could stop. It turns out the only problem that I had was a supply issue. It took 5 (yes, 5) days for my milk to come in, and I was always worried that I never had enough.

From the moment he was born The Babe had a great latch. Breast feeding didn't feel bad at all. It was (and still is) a special time for us to bond. I still nurse him to sleep every night.

But as good as it is, there can be some drawbacks as well. Whenever I would leave the Babe with Hubby to go run errands or something, I always had to watch the clock. I had to be back to feed him. Since I never had a ton of supply that also meant that I rarely had to pump; not pumping means no expressed milk to freeze.

I never had a plan on how long I would breast feed. Some moms say 3 months, others 6, others longer. I know that I was not going to be one of those moms who lets their kid lift up their shirt. I said that as soon as I got bit, it was over. I figured if we lasted 6 months that was great.

Now that I've begun to supplement it seems to be the Babe's favourite new food. Just last week his favourite foods were sweet potato puffs and pears. Now he will ignore those and squeal with delight when he sees a bottle. The past 2 days he's rarely eaten any solids at all. (I'm not worried about that, I know he's getting all of the nutrients that he needs).

I'm hoping this week to establish a better routine around the bottle. Whether that be to nurse then supplement after or to nurse one feeding and supplement the next. I'm sure we'll figure something out. I'm not planning to totally give up on nursing. I'm not ready to give up our special time together just yet.

Wordless Wednesday - For all of my Infertile Friends

2011-08-18T14:41:00.000-06:00

I already shared the link on my Twitter feed, but this was too good to pass up!

I Think I've Been Starving My Child!

2011-08-18T08:29:00.000-06:00

When Nathan was first born we supplemented his diet with formula. My breastmilk was taking its sweet time to come in. I was induced 2 weeks early because they were concerned for his small size, so we needed to feed this boy! I think we supplemented him for about 2 weeks and then that was it. He was nursing well and seemed satisfied, and he's been exclusively breastfed ever since.

I started him on solids at 4 months and now he's up to 3 meals of solids a day. Plus, I still breastfeed him on demand. He's a happy baby and rarely complains. But he's still small. He's at the bottom of the charts for weight. I haven't been too concerned about it because he is so happy and he is meeting all of the developmental milestones.

So fast forward to August. I have been toying with the idea of weaning him in September. Whether I want to face it or not, I will probably have to go back to work when my maternity leave is up (come on lottery!). So I started to mix his oatmeal with formula to get him used to the taste. No dice - he would not eat it! This boy does not like formula.

But Nathan loves water. More specifically, Nathan loves to drink water out of his cup with a straw. So I mixed a very watered down formula in there, and he started to drink it. I slowly brought the concentration up and no problems. The other day I mixed him a bottle of formula and he guzzled it down.

So this morning he wakes up at the un-godly hour of 6:30 am. I went into his room and nursed him and, since he was still awake but I wasn't, I brought him back to our bed. After letting play for a bit, I nursed him again hoping he would go back to sleep. After it was clear that he would not, I relented and we got up.

In the kitchen I made him his oatmeal and added some pears (his favourite food). He only ate a couple of bites, which was strange. After a while I decided to try some formula. As soon as he saw me grab the bottle he got really excited. So basically within an hour of waking and 2 nursing sessions, my son drank an additional 4 ounces of formula.

So now I feel bad. Since he never really complained about being hungry I assumed that he was happy. Now I wonder if he ever truly felt full? Or maybe my milk supply has dropped recently? Either way it looks like he will be weaned by September. Hopefully he'll put on a bit of weight too.

Seriously??

2011-08-15T13:07:00.002-06:00

As seen in the Bay:

At least it was in the clearance bin.

- Posted from my iPhone

Oh crap!

2011-07-21T13:46:00.001-06:00

This is happening way too fast!

- Posted from my iPhone

Longings

2011-06-22T13:42:00.001-06:00

Can I make a confession? Please promise that you won't judge me. Here goes: I miss being pregnant.

I'm missing it so much these days that I'm even going through phantom baby kicks. Each time I feel a kick it very nearly brings me to tears.

I don't know why I'm feeling this way. I love my son with all of my heart and I'm so grateful for him. All we asked for while TTC through infertility was one healthy child, and that's what we got.

While struggling to conceive I used to dread pregnancy announcements on Facebook. I still dread them. They make me jealous in a whole new way.

I don't want another baby. I couldn't handle 2 infants. I just miss being pregnant. And I miss it a lot!

- Posted from my iPhone

Life's Special Moments

2011-06-13T17:21:00.000-06:00

I am constantly amazed of the miracle that is my son. I remember when we were still in the hospital I would hold him and just stare at him. I could stay that way all day just sitting and staring at him. As he grows and matures I am still in awe of him. Each new milestone is as amazing as the last.

One day I was sitting on the floor with Nathan just watching him. And while I'm in no hurry for him to grow up, I wondered what will he be like as he gets older. What will I be like? Will I still be proud of all of his accomplishments?

Then I started to wonder if all other moms are like me. Did Hitler's mom play with him on the floor when he was a baby? Was she as fascinated with his growth and development as I am with Nathan's? Did Hitler Senior ever come home to find his wife blowing raspberries to baby Hitler?

Then those thoughts make me start to worry, what if my son grows up to be evil & homicidal? So now when I see a criminal on t.v. it makes me sad knowing that s/he started out as an innocent child. And I wonder if his mom stared at him in complete awe.

More Trauma

2011-06-03T22:27:00.001-06:00

I started the Babe on solids at 4 months. At first just a bit of rice cereal once a day. At 5 months I introduced oatmeal and added a meal. Now at close to 6 months he has tried sweet potatoes and banana as well.

When he was exclusively breast fed he would have a poop first thing in the morning, and maybe another one later in the day. Unfortunately now he's not as regular. I blame the iron in the oatmeal.

The other day, you may recall, I was traumatized by his first "real food" poop. I'm still not over it, and yet the traumatic experiences keep coming.

We're currently visiting my parents and while here are using disposable diapers. Today I experienced my first true diaper blow out. Right down the leg of his sleeper.

Not only was I grossed out, the Babe was truly upset and was really crying. You have to understand, he's a lot like his mom and isn't much of a cryer. After the blowout, while I was trying to figure out how to change him and not get poop everywhere, he started to meltdown.

With my dad's help we got him into the kitchen sink for an unscheduled bath. Soon after he was squeaky clean.

One other thing about the "real food" poop that I hate is the lack of predictability. He might poop today, or he might not. I hesitate to leave the house if he hasn't pooped yet. I don't want to get caught out somewhere when he does the big one!

Because he's not as regular you can sure tell when he is going to poop. His face goes so red his whole head looks like a giant pimple! And the grunts! Sometimes it's easy to forget that he's not yet 6 months old.

So I'm thinking his next new food should contain a lot of fibre.

- Posted from my iPhone while on the go!

All About Poop!

2011-05-27T10:05:00.000-06:00

The Babe & I are leaving tomorrow to visit my parents for a couple of weeks. WiFi does not exist there (well it does, but there are no open networks). So I may not be able to update for a while.

Obviously my son knows that I need to write a post before we go, so he fell asleep in his bouncy chair while I was eating my cereal. This never happens. Of course we are in the family room in the basement so I can't go upstairs (2 flights) to have a shower or anything, and I don't dare move him. So I sit here watching crappy daytime t.v. (with the volume really low), and trying to catch up on my blogs.

The problem I'm having is that I don't know what to say. Truly the only thing on my mind today relates directly to the epic poopy diaper that I had to deal with earlier. I could write a whole post about that, but then I would have to re-classify my blog and put a questionable content warning up. Trust me, it was epic. So epic that it posed a strong argument to keep him exclusively breast fed until he's potty trained. So epic that for the first time I questioned my decision to use cloth diapers. So epic that he needed a bath after. So epic that even after the bath there was still some poop IN HIS BELLY BUTTON!

But I'm sure that you don't want to hear about poop. Since I've been traumatized by poop today I'm going to have to stop posting for now. Maybe after a couple of counseling sessions I'll get over it.

New Identity

2011-05-24T06:05:00.002-06:00

I've been the "Pregnant Yuppy" since March 2008. That's over 3 years of being pregnant. Even elephants get to stop after only 2. So it's long overdue that I embrace the new me. The mom me. But I'm still a yuppy.

So I am now officially "Yuppy Mom".

I will be looking for a new layout and design for my blog as well. So far nothing has jumped out at me. Feel free to send me your suggestions!

I'm Famous!

2011-05-23T09:18:00.000-06:00

Guess who's being featured this week over at Stress Free Infertility? Moi! I am now what is considered to be an infertility success story - which, trust me, is a lot better than just being an Infertile. You can read my story from BFN to BFP here.

When you're an Infertile you dread the question "So when are you guys going to have kids?" After close to 14 years of marriage I had begun to run out of witty, yet polite responses. I'm sorry to say that even after becoming parents the questions don't end there. Now people ask "When are you going to have another one?" To that I reply "Never".

Oh don't get me wrong, I love my little man and I miss being pregnant, but all through our TTC struggle and infertility treatments all I asked for was 1 healthy child. And that is what I got. He deserves a mom who isn't stressed all the time from TTC again. Besides, I can not imagine having to get up to feed & change 2 babies in the middle of the night. One is definitely enough for me!

Skinny Boy

2011-05-20T17:59:00.000-06:00

Although he has no scheduled medical appointments until June, I thought that it would be a good idea to bring Nathan to drop in day at our local health centre to get him weighed and measured. I try to plan an outing each day (mostly so I don't go stir crazy).

At his 4 month vaccinations the PHN (public health nurse) was concerned about his weight, concerned that he does not weigh enough. She also gave me a lecture for giving him rice cereal. She insisted that I bring him back in 2 weeks to be weighed again. So I did. In 2 weeks he gained 15 ounces! That's my boy!

Fast forward to this week (3 weeks later), and my boy has only gained 6 ounces. Yikes! He also hasn't gotten any taller since his 4 month visit. I'm not surprised that he is the same height. He hasn't outgrown any of his clothes in a while. But only 6 ounces - should I worry?

She really wanted to refer me to a doctor, but I declined. I figure that he is hitting all of the developmental milestones and he is so happy that he can't be hungry. Plus, I have his 6 month check up in 3 weeks. Nathan is a healthy baby, he just isn't a chubby one. So we compromised and I promised to bring him back next week for another weigh in.

I had already planned to start him on oatmeal in the mornings so my timing is good. That will bring him to 2 meals of cereal (oatmeal and rice) each day. And boy does he love oatmeal! He starts to scream if I don't get it in fast enough. After a week of this I'm sure he will have gained some.

For reference, there aren't a lot of rolls, but you can clearly see some baby man-boobs there.

5 Month Update

2011-05-17T09:26:00.000-06:00

Things have been going well for us. Hubby has accepted a new job and was able to take a week off in between. It has been so great having him home. It really makes me wish that we were independently wealthy so he could be home all of the time. Instead I guess we'll have to hold out until we win the lottery (reminder: buy a lottery ticket).

We recently switched our cable t.v. provider to get a better rate. Not only does our rate drop, but we get more channels. One of the new channels is called Baby T.V. Nathan loves it. While I don't advocate using the t.v. as a babysitter for your child, it does allow me enough time to eat breakfast (or update my sorely neglected blog).

I am starting to get lonely throughout the day. I try to plan some sort of outing each day so that I don't go stir crazy. I've been trying to find playgroups in my neighbourhood too, but those that I have found are ending right away for the summer. Bummer. There is a kinder music class nearby that I can sign up for though for the month of July. Once we have our summer plans finalized I may do that. I think it's time that Nathan starts to make friends with other babies.

I wasn't able to bring him to get weighed on his 5 month birthday so I will do that this week instead. I think he's gained some weight, but I don't think he's gotten much taller. A couple of months ago it seemed like he was outgrowing his clothes every couple of weeks. Now it seems like he is wearing them a lot longer.

Developmentally the biggest milestone is that Nathan has discovered the cats! He watches them with great interest and will even reach out to touch them when they are near. The cats seem to tolerate this now, we'll see what they do when Nathan is mobile!

NIAW - say what?

2011-04-25T14:26:00.000-06:00

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week (or NIAW). Even though I am Canadian, I am still taking the time to mark the occasion.

The definition of infertility (according to my favourite site - Wikipedia) is: infertility primarily refers to the biological inability of a person to contribute to conception. Infertility may also refer to the state of a woman who is unable to carry a pregnancy to full term. There are many biological causes of infertility, some which may be bypassed with medical intervention.

In other words: those who want a baby and don't have one despite trying and trying and trying.

Each Infertile has a different story. Mine is simple, we could not conceive. Well, we did once on our own, but miscarried. Extensive testing showed that our infertility is "unexplained" - so basically we should be able to have a baby, but can't. My story has a happy ending though - my son Nathan.

Most people do not know that we had to do IVF to get pregnant. It's not that it's a secret, but I still haven't shared. For that matter, most people do not know that we lost a child 3 years ago either. Coming out of the Infertility closet is a big deal. It's embarrassing to admit that your body cannot do what the body of a crack addict can do. I know that I shouldn't feel this way as infertility is a medical condition over which I have no control. Infertility also comes with a roller coaster of emotions too.

So before I go rambling on and on, please take a moment this week to think of the people in your life who may be infertile. Infertility has no physical markers so you might not know who they are. But know that they are out there. Know also, that every Infertile couple dreads the question (or variant of) "when are you guys going to have kids?"

Also, while there are many treatments and options for the Infertile couple, please note that they are not interchangeable. Some treatments can not be accessed by everyone due to cost. Adoption is not the answer for infertility (although for some it may be).

In order to conceive my son we had to:

Sept (ish) 2006 - February 2008 - No birth control used
March 2008 - I'm pregnant!
April 2008 - miscarriage at 9 weeks, 6 days
TTC on our own May 2008 - November 2009
December 2009 - Clomid
January 2010 - Clomid and IUI
February 2010 - a month off while we waited for the Clomid to get out of my system
March 2010 - IVF

By all accounts my struggle is minor compared to others. Although admittedly, we did not try getting smashed on tequila and having sex in our car (which I know someone who swears by this method for getting pregnant).

PS - sorry if this post seems a bit jumbled. I have so much to say about the subject, but so little time in which to write.

Family Visit 2011

2011-04-23T21:33:00.001-06:00

This past week was a busy week for us. Not only were my parents in town but so was my brother and his family. It was their first chance to meet Nathan.

Nathan did a pretty good job of warming up to his aunt and uncle, but he really liked his cousin Monica. It seemed as though he was fascinated by her curly hair.

Meeting his uncle Trever:

With Grandma:

With his Cousins Eric & Monica:

This was my niece and nephew's first visit to Calgary. I would have liked to have played a more active role as tour guide but it wasn't always possible. They did get to experience downhill skiing for the first time. They must have liked it since they went back a second day.

- Posted from my iPhone while on the go!

4 Month Update

2011-04-14T09:00:00.000-06:00

*I started to write this post several days ago*

I'm trying to be a better blogger, I really am. It's just that I usually have to type with only one hand as my other hand is either holding a baby or giving a cat a belly rub. Right now is one of those very rare moments when the Babe is actually napping! (Picture the heavens opening and the angels singing).

The Babe turned 4 months old on Saturday. He is doing great developmentally. He laughs, he chats, he reaches for things, and everything he grabs goes right into his mouth. We started him on cereal last week. He still could not care less about sharing his space with the 2 cats, and the cats would rather not get to close to him either.

I'm doing great as well. It took me a while but I have now figured out how to get the 2 of us ready and out the door before 10am. You see the trick is to NOT watch morning t.v. shows. If you get up, feed the cats, eat, and get dressed and not watch an hour long decorating show, you're actually less likely to be caught still in your PJs and a bathrobe by the mailman at noon. Although some days you will find me like that, it all depends on what kind of night I had.

Speaking of nights, the Babe is doing well by sleeping about 6 hours at a time. Usually from about 8:30 pm until about 2:30 am. Then I'll change him and feed him and put him back in his crib. But unfortunately he doesn't sleep for another 6 hours. Instead he'll sleep until about 5:30 am or 6:00 am. Then I'll change him and feed him and put him back in his crib. Most days he will sleep until 7:30 am, and then he's up. I have discovered that if I bring him into my bed at 6:30 am to feed him, then lay him beside me that he will usually sleep until 8:30 am or 9 am. So if I've had a particularly rough night (some nights I have trouble sleeping), this is what I will do.

Today he had his 4 month vaccinations. At 2 months he screamed bloody murder for about 15 minutes afterwards. Needless to say, I was not looking forward to today. I even tried to convince Hubby that he should skip out of work so he could come too. But my little boy has grown up a lot in 2 months. Today he only cried for a couple of minutes and actually accepted my comforting. What a relief!

There were 2 other baby boys there that were born on the same day as Nathan. I swear that Nathan was half of their size! OMG they looked so huge by comparison! Big or small, I think my Little Man is perfect!

iPhone Test Post

2011-04-13T22:33:00.002-06:00

_Nikke on Twitter suggested that I download the Blogpress app to my phone so I could blog more easily. I like to think that she's a loyal reader who got tired of the long gaps between my posts, but in reality I was whining on Twitter about the lack of a free Blogger app.

The lesson is: ask on Twitter and you shall be enlightened.

Thanks Nikke!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wordless Wednesday - 1 Year after my BFP

2011-04-13T10:59:00.000-06:00

April 12, 2010:

April 13, 2011:

(Sorry it's so small)

Embryo Transfer Remembered

2011-03-31T15:25:00.000-06:00

Last year on this day, 3 sub-par embryos were transferred into my uterus. Although 24 eggs had been retrieved only 3 days prior, the chances of a pregnancy were very slim.

19 of the eggs were mature. ICSI was recommended and even then only 13 eggs fertilized. Each day when the embryologist called her report was worse than the day before. On top of that I was at great risk of having the embryo transfer cancelled altogether due to OHSS. If that were the case then we would most likely not have any embryos to freeze.

Given the state of our embryos, the RE's agreed to allow the transfer. Given the state of my embryos, they agreed to transfer 3.

After it was all said and done we went out to eat. This is what we got at the restaurant:

How right they were!

1 Year Ago Today...

2011-03-28T16:22:00.000-06:00

My Little Man was conceived! Neither Hubby or I were there at the time though. I believe we were out for lunch. Let me explain:

My IVF egg retrieval was 1 year ago. On that day 24 eggs were removed from my aching, swollen, and sore ovaries.

As soon as I was allowed to leave the recovery room, we went out for food. I was not allowed to eat since midnight, and I was starved! At the restaurant the embryologist called with the first of the bad news: only 19 eggs were mature & Hubby's sample numbers were not stellar. She pushed us to do ICSI and assisted hatching and we did.

Remembering IVF

2011-03-24T14:44:00.000-06:00

Being infertile can really make you feel alone. Everywhere you go all you see are baby bumps and strollers. It's a humbling experience.

I remember the day that I went for my HSG. There were about 8 women there at the same time also waiting for their HSGs. Finally I was amongst those who understood what I was going through! Finally a room full of people that I could talk to. Finally other people IRL (in real life) who know what it is to spend hundreds of dollars on OPKs, HPTs, and vitamins. Finally others whose sex life is determined by the calendar. Finally! And yet, not one word was spoken as we all waited.

Infertility does something to your personality. You can be the most outgoing, friendly, and chatty people out there until you start to TTC and realize that you are an Infertile. Then after months, or years, of unsuccessfully TTC you become withdrawn and silent.

I remember one morning as I waited for my appointment with my RE I looked around the waiting room. It was full of couples of all ages, religions, and colours. Most would never meet outside of this room. All were linked by one commonality. And no one said a word.

When I started my IVF protocol (you can read about it here, here, and here) I had to see the RE every other day. They took the IVF patients first thing in the morning so I know that all of the women in the waiting room were all going through the exact same thing as me. Each morning as I waited to be called back for my ultrasound I would try to catch the eye of another woman. Several times I would see the same women. Not once did anyone want to make eye contact.

And through it all I never felt completely alone. For throughout my journey I had tons of support. Support found on the internet. Via this blog, Twitter, and Just Mommies.

And now I sit a year later, remembering how lonely the real world can be, and thankful that I live in a time of IVF and the internet. I know that without either I would not be where I am today.

To my readers who have been there, or who are going there, I hope that you know that you are not alone. If you can't make eye contact in the waiting room, come online. We are here to support you no matter what!

1 Year Anniversary

2011-03-16T08:00:00.022-06:00

1 year ago today I injected myself with the first of my IVF drugs. Those drugs ultimately resulted in my beautiful baby boy.

It's hard to believe that a whole year has passed already. Last week I went back and reviewed my blog posts during the IVF process. The first one is here. The truth is those posts don't accurately reflect how I was feeling at that time. I was afraid to get too hopeful and I didn't want my posts to always be a downer, so most days I didn't write a post at all.

We were very, very lucky in that our IVF resulted in a pregnancy and a live birth. Sure we had some bumps along the way (OHSS, no left over embryos) but in the end it was worth it. And good thing, as this was our only shot!

If IVF is in your future let me say this:

The injections are much worse in your mind than in reality. I self injected for each one. The bloodwork needle is much, much worse.
Do your best to have lots of distractions.
The egg retrieval is fairly simple. I went out for lunch right after because I was starved.
Try to relax for a couple of days after the embryo transfer. It may not help, but it certainly can't hurt.

Good luck to you all!

Quarterly Report

2011-03-10T10:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my Little Man turned 3 months old. Since we often refer to him as the household's CEO I feel it fitting to give a quarterly report.

The truth is that while we have our moments, he is a really good baby. Maybe that's because I hate to hear him cry so I'm rushing to him to see what he wants!

At his 12 week check up he has nearly doubled his birth weight. He now officially weigh 10 pounds 10 ounces. While that's still small by many standards, I think he's getting so big! He's definitely getting long. I'm hoping that he will get his height from my father who is 6'1". The rest of our family is basically only average height, and some of us are just plain short!

Yesterday I left him for the first time with someone other than his dad or grandma. I had a dentist appointment and I didn't want to bring him. I asked Hubby's aunt (the only family we have who lives in the province) if she would come to babysit. She was delighted to. Nathan started to make strange and I was hesitant to leave (for her sake). I managed to get him to sleep before I left and she said that he woke up happy for her. Good thing as I will have to return to the dentist again in a month or so.

Next week we are going on our first plane ride. It will be just him and me and I'm a little worried about how he'll behave in the airport and on the plane. Fingers crossed it all goes well. Thankfully it's a short flight.

Sock monkey buddies:

Showing off his cloth:

Finally loving bath time:

Wordless Wednesday - Something to Embarrass My Progeny One Day

2011-03-02T09:36:00.000-07:00

*At least I covered up his "junk"

Starting to Get This Whole "Parenting" Thing Figured Out.

2011-02-25T12:44:00.001-07:00

Sort of.

It's been a month since my last post. For me that time has gone by in a blink of an eye!

I'm trying to establish some sort of routine to make life with an infant easier on both of us. Note that I said routine not schedule. I believe in babies sleeping and eating on demand at this young age.

Last week I started a bedtime routine. When the Babe indicates that he is hungry, and it's at least 8pm, I'll take him up to his room where I can rock him while he nurses. When he falls asleep I'll put him in his crib for the night. Some nights he falls asleep right away, other nights I'll need to play soothing music and rock him longer. Sometimes I'll just put him in the crib where he can put himself to sleep. So far it seems to be working. He's sleeping longer and longer.

But now that he's going to bed sooner, he's waking up sooner too. So this week I've started a morning routine. Once he's up, changed and fed, I'll put him in his bouncy seat on the kitchen floor where I can then feed the cats and get my breakfast made. Then the Babe gets put in front of Sesame Street while I eat. I'm happy to say that I've been able to eat breakfast all week!

While he is starting to sleep better at night, nap time is still a struggle. Unless we are holding him, his naps will only last about 30 minutes. And this, I tell Hubby, is why nothing gets done in the house all day!

I try to schedule any activities for the early afternoons. If I plan things right he will fall asleep in the car and stay asleep for a couple of hours. I have a dentist appointment next week - please keep your fingers crossed that he will sleep through it.

2011-01-24T09:27:00.000-07:00

Nathan is already outgrowing some of his clothes. I don't know if I'm ready for that yet!

I've folded up all of his preemie and 5 lbs clothes and put them aside. So now I'm faced with a dilemma: do I donate the clothes, try to sell them (since they were only worn for a couple of weeks), keep them in case of a miracle (we will not be doing IVF again so any future child will be a miracle), or keep my favourites and have them made into a quilt?

I like the idea of the quilt but I hate the idea of cutting up practically brand new clothing. I guess I was raised in a "waste not, want not" kind of way. How cool would it be to have a crib quilt made out of his clothes for when Nathan has a child of his own? But children's clothing can be expensive so I feel guilty for thinking about it.

So what should I do? I'm really asking (although I may not listen to your advice). Should I:

Pack up the clothes and keep them, just in case?
Donate his clothes to charity?
Sell the clothes?
Keep my favourites and have a quilt made?

Interesting...

2011-01-18T11:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I came across a post on my private blog that I wrote about a year ago. Hubby & I had been invited out to celebrate Chinese New Year. We were saying goodbye to the year of the Ox and welcoming the year of the Tiger.

I had posted this tidbit about Tiger years:

Tiger years tend to bring lots of world conflicts and disasters

2010 did not disappoint: Haiti earthquake & cholera outbreak, BP oil spill, trapped Chilean miners, floods, droughts, and even Tiger Woods' divorce. What a year!

Nathan was born in a Tiger year. So what does that mean for him?

Courageous, active, and self-assured. Optimistic, passionate and independent. Rebellious, dynamic, and unpredictable. Quick tempered but considerate. Affectionate but careless. The Tiger is a natural born leader and symbolizes power, passion and daring.

People born in the Year of the Tiger are generally well liked because of their charming personalities.

With only a few weeks left of the Tiger year, let's hope that there will not be any more disasters! The year of the Rabbit begins on Feb. 3, 2011. It is said to bring a year where you can catch your breath and calm your nerves. Sounds like a perfect year for a BFP to everyone who is TTC!

Not Normally a Risk Taker

2011-01-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

Nathan is a pretty good baby (and he's cute too). He really only fusses when he's hungry or wants to be changed. He really only cries when he is being changed (he hates to be exposed). He's been sleeping in his crib from the first day that we came home without problems. Sure, some days he has some gas issues and/or spits up, but that's to be expected of any baby.

A couple of weeks ago he even started to sleep through the night - and that is where my problems begin.

You see, I had to tell everyone how awesome my newborn is. I wanted to shout from the rooftops (in 2011 terms the "rooftops" equals Twitter and Facebook) that he was consistently sleeping between 5 - 6 hours each night. Oh sure I thought I heard a voice that said "don't brag, you'll be sorry", but who can be sure? I'm sleep deprived, I'm hearing voices all the time.

Sure enough, I have jinxed it. Nathan has gone from sleeping 5 - 6 hours at night to sleeping 2 hours. And he's not sleeping much longer during the day to compensate either.

If you've been following my tweets you'll notice that most are posted in the middle of the night. This is why.

I think I've completely lost my train of thought now. Oops. I guess I shouldn't try to blog until I've had more than a couple of hours of sleep! Maybe for a while I should stick to uploading photos instead.

"Those Parents"

2011-01-07T11:59:00.000-07:00

I hate admitting it, I really do. It seems that I've become one of "those parents".

Remember the days before having kids when you would watch other parents and silently say to yourself "I'm never going to let my kid to that". Trust me, you will.

It started shortly after arriving home from the hospital. Nathan is a champion pooper but he hates to have his diaper changed. He hates it so much that we would change his diaper as a way to fully wake him up before he eats. So even though we know that he has a dirty diaper, if he's sleeping we don't change him. I said to my mom when she was here "I never thought that I would be one of those parents who let their kid stay in a dirty diaper". To her credit, Mom didn't say anything but gave me a sly smile.

So what other things have I done (or not done)? Let see:

Baths. Nathan hates them. It takes 2 of us to do it quickly so he's only had 2 since coming home. (Before you think that we're really horrible parents, he does get sponge baths).
Clean. Thankfully we have people who come to our house on a weekly basis to dust, vacuum, and scrub toilets. If not for them the house would look disgusting. As it is I haven't yet de-Christmassed the house (a task that is normally done on January 1st).
Get dressed. Referring to me. Nathan usually goes through a few outfits a day. For me it's a big step if I take of my PJ pants and put on sweat pants. I hardly leave the house anymore - why bother getting dressed.

So far the list is small, but I have a feeling that it will be growing as Nathan grows. Will I be that mom in a restaurant whose kid has a dirty face? Will I develop selective hearing and not hear my kid as he throws a tantrum in the mall?

Oh the changes that we go through!

My Boy is a Genius!

2011-01-03T14:22:00.000-07:00

Check this out! Nathan isn't even 4 weeks old and he is smiling already. I elicited this smile by tickling his cheek and chin.

Going Through Some Changes

2010-12-29T13:33:00.000-07:00

Now that Nathan is here I'm going through an identity crisis of sorts. For a very, very long time, Hubby and I were "yuppy D.I.N.K.S" (double income no kids). Then I got pregnant, had a miscarriage, then went through 2 years of infertility, and finally IVF treatments before becoming pregnant again.

I'm not a greedy person, I am thrilled just to be a mom. Nathan is destined to be an only child. Things may have been different if we had any surviving embryos on ice, but we do not. Being a new parent is stress enough, I'm not going through the stress of TTC again, maybe if we were 10 years younger, but we're not.

While I will always consider myself a member of the exclusive "Infertile" club, and I'll always be a "yuppy", I'm not likely to become pregnant again. Which brings me to my identity crisis - what do I call myself now?

The only name that comes to mind is "The Yuppy Mummy". Do you have any thoughts or suggestions?

Good Things Come in Small Packages

2010-12-28T14:28:00.000-07:00

Even though Nathan is nearly 3 weeks old and growing, I still marvel at how tiny he his. I know that as he grows it will be hard to remember him as a newborn. I cherish the small moments that we have together and I know that I will be sad when he outgrows his preemie clothes.

So bear with me while I keep posting photos that show his small size.

Cat v. Baby

2010-12-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

Nathan is not a big boy. Yesterday at his nearly 2 week doctor appointment he weighed 5 pounds, 10 ounces. This is up 8 oz from his appointment last week. My mother said that the photos that I have sent do not accurately show just how tiny he is. So here is one next to one of our other boys for comparison:

The cat weigh about 10 pounds. If you look closely their heads are nearly the same size! Look how small Nathan's head is next to Hubby's hand.

Good things do come in small packages.

Wordless Wednesday - Proud Parent Edition

2010-12-22T11:52:00.001-07:00

The Pregnant Yuppy No More

2010-12-15T00:02:00.006-07:00

My long, hard journey through loss and infertility is finally over. Thank goodness my story has a happy ending. I can no longer call myself the "Pregnant Yuppy", for I am no longer pregnant (nor do I plan to become pregnant again). I still consider myself to be a yuppy though!

So let me get on with it. I've had a very busy week this past week - to say the least - and here is my story:

Throughout my pregnancy I was closely monitored, even though it was an easy pregnancy. First it was discovered that I had a low lying placenta, so that was monitored via ultrasound. Once that was no longer a concern they continued to monitor me every 2 weeks as Nathan was measuring small. For the past couple of weeks they also were concerned that the placenta was starting to tire out. At my ultrasound on Monday, December 6 they decided that I needed to be induced that week. The Perinatologist was going to call my maternity Dr. Before we even left the building my Drs. office called and I was booked to see them on Tuesday morning.

Tuesday morning my doctor sent off the requisition for induction to the hospital. Jason and I went out for a late breakfast and planned to have at least a day or two until we heard from the hospital. We had barely finished eating when the hospital called and said to come in. And some think that our Healthcare system is slow!

*WARNING* There will be some talk about "girl parts" from here on out.

I was admitted to the hospital around 1 pm on Monday. My body was not ready for labour at all. My cervix was not dilated and was still in a posterior position. At 2:20 pm the medication Cervidil was inserted to hopefully start the process. At 4pm I was moved to a new room where we waited, and waited. The worst part of this day was that I got a roommate around 11pm and she was quite the snorer!

On Wednesday at 2:20 pm (24 hours later) they checked on my progress. It was minimal, around a fingertip dilated. The 2 options at this point were to replace the Cervidil with a new one, or to try a Foley Balloon Catheter (which I won't explain here). I'll be honest, neither sounded too appealing to me. The doctors felt that the balloon was the best option for me. At this point we are now in a procedure room, which at one time was a storage closet, waiting for a new room. Eventually they put me in another room (by now we were getting so impatient and tired). Jason went home for a while and came back after supper. We tried walking around the halls and going up and down the stairs to get the balloon to work. It didn't work.

Around 10 pm my own doctor came in to check on me. She was able to remove the balloon and said that it did help some. I was now dilated about 2cm. She said that as soon as a labour room comes available I will move (again) and they will start me on an Oxytocin drip.

By 11:30 I was in my private L&D room and the drip was inserted. One of the downsides to the drip is that I had to be on a fetal monitor the entire time, so I wasn't able to move around much. I did sleep some.

Which brings us to Thursday - are you getting sick of this yet? At 7 am I had maxed out on the dose of Oxytocin and no labour. My Dr. checked me again and felt that I was dilated enough to break the water - so she did. Not much happened at first. I even texted Jason and told him to bring me a coffee. He was planning to come around 9 am. By around 8:15 am I finally started to have contractions. By 9 am they were already pretty intense and only 2.5 minutes apart.

I got the epidural around 10 ish - I had put it off because I was afraid that it would slow down my labour. The Anesthesiologist was thankfully free and able to come right away. The whole process didn't take very long and the effects started right away. It was a wonderful feeling indeed! I do not understand why some women don't want an epidural - it's a wonderful thing!

By noon I was fully dilated but they made me wait to push as they were having some trouble keeping the baby on the monitor and they needed to monitor his heartbeat. Eventually they had to go with an internal monitor (poor guy). I think I only had to push 3 or 4 times before Nathan was born. Thanks to the epidural I didn't feel a thing! I didn't even believe them when they said that he was out! So they grabbed him and put him on my chest. He was so tiny, but he gripped my finger right away.

Here are the specifics:

Nathan John Michael

Born December 9, 2010

2477 grams (5 lbs, 7 oz)

49 cm long (19 inches)

Moments after birth:

About 2 days old:

Finally on our way home:

Losing all Semblance of Control

2010-12-04T20:00:00.003-07:00

One thing that I have heard a lot during my pregnancy from friends, colleagues, and even my own doctor is a comment about how relaxed I am about it. I don't care who you are, how many babies you've birthed, or how many books that you have read - the fact is you have no control over anything when you're pregnant.

I've tried to break my pregnancy into small milestones so that I wouldn't freak myself out. I wouldn't even read ahead in any of the pregnancy books. Maybe I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I found it a lot easier to cope that way. Why stress yourself out about something that you can't change anyway?

With a due date so close to Christmas I've managed to not worry about when our baby will be born. So many people have made comments like "it's going to suck having a birthday so close to Christmas", and I've (for the most part) let them slide. I can't control it, so why stress?

If I did have any control I would not have had a miscarriage in 2008. And I certainly would not have chosen to be infertile. Nor would I have decided that the only way to conceive would be via IVF.

So I have made my peace with control. I have no control and I might as well accept that fact. And I have. I realize that there is a very good chance that our baby will be born on Christmas, and you know what? I think that's cool. We can have fun with that.

But now they tell me that they might want to induce me as early as next week! Umm, what? Yeah you see that won't work because I'm all prepared for a Christmas baby. So you're saying that all of the things that I planned to do in the next 2 - 3 weeks I'll have to get done in the next 2 - 3 days? Sorry, no deal.

I have yet another ultrasound on Monday morning and from there I will know my fate. So many women by their 38th week of pregnancy would be begging their doctors for this, not me. I am truly one of those women who is enjoying being pregnant, plus, I have a ton to do this week!

I'm back!

2010-11-29T13:32:00.002-07:00

Hi Everyone!

I must say that I've missed you all. The sad fact is that my hand hurts so much by the end of the day that I tend to avoid anything on the computer. However, I am now officially on maternity leave so I should be able to update more often. I have been doing my best to keep my pregnancy journal up to date.

The doctors are still monitoring me closely because our baby is measuring small. I personally think that they are investing too much time and effort into this. I was a small baby and it stands to reason that my baby will be small as well. He's growing and developing, and is really active so why worry? Plus, I would much rather deliver a smaller baby than a huge baby!

Today the baby weighs roughly 2.4 kg (or just over 5 lbs). So, with 3 more weeks until my due date, and possibly longer until I deliver, I'm guesstimating that he will be a 7 pounder - just like me!

All is good.

Wordless Wednesday - Prenatal Class, Lesson #1

2010-11-10T05:21:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy + MTV = Strange Dreams

2010-11-03T16:41:00.004-06:00

I'm sorry that my blogging frequency has dropped to nearly nothing. I have developed a new side effect from this pregnancy: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. This makes typing very, very painful so naturally I save my suffering for the office.

Now that I got that out of the way, let me get on with what inspired me to blog through the pain.

I had another very, very, very strange dream last night. Very strange. I was on my way to my baby shower and stopped off to pick up my grandma on the way. Not my 96 year old living grandma, my other grandma who passed away 10 years ago. And I wasn't driving. I was on foot, and cutting through a strange neighbourhood while pushing my grandma across strangers' lawns.

We arrive at the shower and it's a full house. Apparently my hosts had asked everyone to bring a Xmas ornament with "2010" on it. The first gift that I open is from The Situation. Yes, you read that right, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino was a guest at my shower. He bought me a snow globe. The next gift was from Ronnie - apparently the Jersey Shore has come to Canada! Ronnie actually gave me the best gift: a $5000 gift card from the bank! Did you know that the banks had gift cards? Me neither.

Can you guess whose gift I opened next? Yup, you're right. "Snookie" was also there. She got me a gigantic Xmas tree ornament shaped like a pickle.

And then we got on with the rest of my shower - which was more like a typical shower. Lots of baby gifts in both pink and blue.

I'm completely at a loss at how the Jersey Shore infiltrated my dream. I haven't watched an episode in over a week (maybe longer), and as far as I know none of them have been arrested recently.

Any thoughts?

Kick Counts and Movement

2010-10-22T08:47:00.002-06:00

By now I have reached the point in my pregnancy when the Dr. wants me to do regular kick counts. What's a "kick count" you ask? In a nutshell I'm to pick an hour of the day when the baby tends to be the most active (so mornings are out for us) and keep track of all of the baby's kicks and movements until I reach 10 in 1 hour.

I will freely admit that I am not being very diligent about this. The Progeny and I have made our own arrangement: he gives me a boot first thing in the morning to assure me that he's okay, I let him do his own thing for a few hours, then he lets me know that he's okay by moving at least once an hour after that. So far, it's worked out okay.

Admittedly I'm still very cautious and superstitious about this pregnancy. I know that I have had it fairly easy during the pregnancy itself and I am grateful. I guess when your only other pregnancy ends in a loss, you become conditioned to expect the worst. There are too many other women out there who have experienced more loss than I have, even so, I know they understand how I feel. For me, every movement is precious.

Maybe because this is my first pregnancy (that has reached the point where I can feel movement), but I will never get tired of feeling my baby move around. And that got me to wondering: Is movement always special for a mother?

Hubby's grandmother gave birth (and was pregnant) 17 times (there is some rumour amongst the family that she was actually pregnant 19 times). So I have to wonder, by which child does the movement stop being special - if at all? Does there come a time when she was just "oh boy, here we go again"? Or do you think that even with child #17 she would put her hand on her belly and be in awe of the life inside of her? With 16 other kids did she even have the time? And why can she be so fertile?

Happy Anniversary to Me!

2010-10-18T17:12:00.003-06:00

Today is my wedding anniversary (well okay, I share it with Hubby). It's #14 for us. So, in honour of such a special day I thought that I would finally post a pic of us.

Don't we look awesome?

Don't forget grumpy & hormonal

2010-10-10T13:36:00.000-06:00

I hope I'm not like this, no really, I do, sort of.

30 Week Ultrasound

2010-10-08T13:40:00.003-06:00

This morning I went for my f/u ultrasound to find out my fate. 5 weeks ago after experiencing some bleeding, an ultrasound revealed that I have an extremely low-lying placenta. If the placenta stayed where it was, I would most likely end up on bed rest.

Today the doctors wanted to take another look and see where it was. It's funny, I thought my dates with Wandy were a thing of the past - not so. Poor Hubby, Wandy has seen more action than he has since we started with the IVF.

The good news is that the placenta has indeed moved away from the cervix. Not much, but some. 5 weeks ago it was only 0.5 cm from the opening of the cervix. Today it was 1.2 cm away. I'm still not 100% out of the woods as they want to see it 2 cm away. The doctor that we talked to today said that they expect to see it move about 1 mm a week (for my American readers, 1 mm is about the thickness of a dime). It looks like I will be getting ultrasounds every 2 weeks from now until birth.

Okay, now onto the fun stuff. The baby! Once again he showed us how stubborn he is (more proof that they didn't switch embryos at the clinic). No matter what the technician tried, he would not move his hands away from his face - at all!

Our appointment was for 9:15 am, and our baby is not a morning person. I tried to give him a jump start by drinking lots of orange juice before our appointment, that didn't work.

But he was moving around a lot and at one point we got to see him blink and yawn. That was really cool! He is already head down (let's hope he stays that way). His heartbeat today was 163 bpm.

The pics aren't that great this time. Here's a profile shot - you can see his hands right in front of his face.

This pic shows how squished he is. You can see he has his feet, hands and face all together.

Pregnancy Soundtrack

2010-10-04T17:07:00.006-06:00

I was speaking to a client today at work and let her know about my upcoming maternity leave. This client and I have connected on a whole different level in, addition to being professionals that is. We both have a really quirky sense of humour that is often misinterpreted by many. I think this client may even be Busted Kate's long lost twin (that's a compliment Kate).

I let her know that I am planning a "Farewell Tour" of my clients before I leave and will get back to her so we can plan a lunch date. She laughed at me and the fact that I have named my mat leave. I told her that I debated calling it the "Hell Freezes Over Tour" but didn't think that many people would get the reference.

She said that I should be selling t-shirts.

And thus begun several e-mails that went back and forth between us all day making suggestions for tour names. This then evolved into suitable song names to describe pregnancy and labour.

We looked for album names for the tour and song names for the soundtrack. Here are some that we came up with:

Farewell Tour:

Slippery When Wet
Guess Who?
Dr. Feelgood

Pregnancy / Labour Soundtrack:

Hungry Like the Wolf
I Like Big Butts
I wanna be sedated

Okay, so the list is small, but we're just getting started. Please add your suggestions in the comments!

Cluttered House = Cluttered Mind?

2010-10-04T16:59:00.004-06:00

I think that there's something that you need to know about me. I hate to write a blog post for the sake of writing a blog post. So sometimes it may be a few days between posts. I like to be inspired and that sometimes happens when I can't blog. Then I have to rely on my memory - and that's not very reliable anymore.

So please forgive my lack of posts. Lately my mind has not been focused on anything as we go through home renovations. People keep telling me to post photos of the renos in progress and, truth be told, the mess and clutter and general disarray in the house is something that I would rather not record for posterity. And tell me - how does the dust from the work on the 2nd floor find its way to the basement? How? How?

After a mini-meltdown last week when I got home from work and could not handle the amount of mess left by the carpenter, Hubby has now instructed me to sit on the couch in the basement until he gets home to tidy. Which sounds great, except when I get home from work (at least an hour before Hubby) I just want to remove any restricting panty hose and put on my PJ pants! We have compromised and I will wait a bit until the stress of work is behind me before adding on the stress of the mess!

I think what bothers me the most about the clutter and mess is that I'm not supposed to be doing any house work. Not that I'm a big fan of housework, but I hate seeing the drywall dust everywhere!

The good news is that the bulk of the work *should* be done by tomorrow so hopefully with the clutter gone from my house, it will be gone from my brain as well!

Baby Room Progress

2010-09-28T08:30:00.000-06:00

My last post was pretty glum and negative (and bitter, don't forget bitter). In order to atone to my readers for that, here's something more light and uplifting.

Voila! Here is the crib that we bought:

Is It The Water?

2010-09-27T15:32:00.003-06:00

A few weeks ago I vented my frustrations on how a friend of mine from high school is now pregnant with her 3rd unplanned child with 3 dads. You can read it all again here. Well dear readers, it has happened again.

I just received an e-mail from another friend from high school, who also happens to already be a single mom, announcing her pregnancy (also unplanned with dad #2).

What the Hell is going on? I know that I haven't raised any kids (yet), but I also know that it's not easy. It's a huge commitment! Plus, we're not young anymore, we're 37 years old! I would have thought that both of these women would have learned from their past mistakes and taken the necessary precautions.

I hate admitting that I'm not happy for them, but I'm not. They're already sending me e-mails about wanting to share pregnancy stories, etc and, quite frankly, I'm not interested.

My husband and I tried for years to get pregnant. We lost our first pregnancy and had to spend thousands of dollars to achieve this pregnancy. I know so many of you have struggled longer and had even harder journeys on your path to parenthood. I just can't be happy for these 2 women.

Yes, I'm a little bitter. Yes, that's a little immature, well maybe a lot immature. I just don't understand how the world works. Why some are made to suffer so much while others don't appreciate what they have.

I do want to clarify one thing. I am happy for my friends when they get pregnant especially when I know that they have been trying to get pregnant (whether the pregnancy takes 1 cycle or 25!). But I have a hard time being happy when the pregnancy is unplanned and the woman is not in a place to have a baby (be it because of relationship, money issues, personal issues, whatever).

Maybe the lesson for us Infertiles is this: don't be stable, work a string of crappy jobs, go out and party and drink every single weekend, sleep with lots of men, don't settle down and BOOM - you'll see your BFP!

PS - Thanks for reading. I promise to be less of a grump the next time an unplanned pregnancy bomb lands in my inbox!

Glucose Tolerance Test = Frustration!

2010-09-18T18:46:00.003-06:00

On Friday I had my glucose tolerance test booked for 10am. I don't work on Fridays so I've been trying to book all of my appointments and tests for Friday so I can cut down on the amount of work that I miss.

The day started out rushed. I was sleeping really well and I was really cozy so I didn't want to get up. When I finally did I had to rush around to make sure that I got the appointment on time.

I was dreading the test I've heard such horrible things about it. All I knew going in was that they were going to make me drink a really sweet orange drink then make me wait for an hour, and then draw my blood. I'm not a fan of really sweet things so I wasn't looking forward to it.

But it turns out the drink wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. It was still really sweet, and I would never drink it for pleasure, but I was expecting much worse. In actuality, it reminded me of the McDonald's orange drink.

So I drank it down and I waited, and waited. After about a 1/2 hour I started to feel dizzy, thank goodness that passed. At about 45 minutes the Progeny got really active. At about 1 hour 15 minutes I was starting to think that they had forgotten about me. I waited a little longer then I went up to the counter and asked them. "Oh no" she said "you have another 1/2 hour to go". Okay, so maybe my Dr. prefers a 2 hour test, not a 1 hour test.

I go back to my seat and continue reading my book. After a while I check the time. I drank my drink at 9:50 am - it was now 11:20am - that's 2.5 hours! I go up to the counter again. This time they take me back and draw my blood. Finally! I was really getting hungry.

I go about my business for the day (somewhat altered as I had lost an hour and a half). Later, after I get home I get a phone call. It's the lab. She tells me that I have to go back and re-do the test. My first thought was that I had failed the test. This shocked me! But no, she said that it was supposed to be a 1 hour test! Isn't that what I tried to tell them??

She said that I have to go back ASAP to get it done. I said that I would do it the next day (Saturday) and that it would be the most convenient for me to go back to the same lab. No problem, she said that she will fax over the info right away and that I wouldn't need an appointment.

So now it's Saturday morning. I make my way to the lab to re-do this unpleasant, time-sucking test. I find a parking spot and climb the stairs and lo and behold. They're closed for the weekend! Don't you think they could have told me that when they called yesterday??? Now I'll have to take time off work on Monday to go and do this.

Not happy!

Patient Safety FAIL!

2010-09-17T15:22:00.004-06:00

Today I was at the medical lab for my gestational diabetes test (more on that in another post) and a few other tests - including a urine test.

I thought that by now I would be a pro and giving a urine sample, but whether it was "baby brain", or a bigger belly, I was sent back to the minors. Basically, I peed all over my hand. I hope that this is the last of the urine tests!

While in the clinic washroom I noticed this on the wall:

Then I looked closer and realized that there's no button there! It's a good thing I peeing on your own hand isn't considered an emergency!

Showing Off My Creative Side

2010-09-16T17:08:00.004-06:00

I've never hid the fact that I am freaked out that we will lose this baby. It's hard to think positive when your only other pregnancy experience ended in miscarriage (and I only had 1, so many of you have lost several). Even now I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop (but it is getting better).

So I put off buying anything for our baby, and put it off and put it off. I just couldn't imagine rushing out to buy clothing and furniture and then having to look at it everyday if we had another loss.

A few weeks ago I went out with some of the gals from the office to paint pottery. I used to paint pottery pretty regularly a few years ago. I really enjoy it and I find it relaxing, plus it allows me to explore my creative side. But eventually you run out of things to paint. How many mugs does one person really need?

I arrived early to the studio to take a look around and to figure out what I should paint. As I looked at the shelves and at all the plates, mugs, candle sticks, etc. I found a gem. A sock monkey bank! How could I resist? I could finally buy something for the baby's room.

And here it is:

He will eventually reside in the baby's room - for now he sits on the dining room table until our bedroom renos are done. It's handy to have a place for all of our pennies.

We can now check off one more thing on the to-do list for baby: start college fund - check!

Under 100!

2010-09-12T17:31:00.004-06:00

I'm in the homestretch! Can you believe it? I don't know if I can (I think I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop). The other day my pregnancy countdown reached 100 days to go!

In honour of this milestone (and viability) we finally went out shopping for the baby. My parents have graciously offered to buy us the crib, but didn't like the one that we had selected (I still think it looks awesome). So we went out to check out a couple of stores. There's this one store in town that's really trendy and has lots of cool baby stuff. They're a bit pricy-er, but the quality is very good too. The sales lady let us know that it could take 10 - 12 weeks to receive some of the items.

10 - 12 weeks?! Yikes! This baby could be here before that! Time to get over our fears and get on it!

We didn't get a crib yet but did end up ordering a kick ass glider/recliner, an infant car seat, and we brought home a stroller and the car seat adapter. I'm starting to think that it's going to cost us as much to get outfitted for this kid as it did to create this kid! But at least we've passed this milestone.

So today I went out and registered for the baby and bought a crib bedding set. The good news is that the stroller and bedding set was on sale. Now I just want to get the baby's room all set up (but can't until the renos are done).

Today's Ultrasound

2010-09-07T13:59:00.003-06:00

I'm back from my unexpected ultrasound (see previous post). The results are mixed. My placenta is indeed very low lying. Right now it is only about 0.5 cm from my cervix. A little too close for comfort if you ask me. What that means is that if I see any spotting or bleeding, I need to go straight to the hospital.

Also, the baby is measuring small (but still within the normal range). The OB wants to do 2 more ultrasounds to monitor my progress. The next one in 2 weeks, and another one in 4 weeks. He's hopeful that as the baby and the uterus grow that the placenta will move away from the cervix. If the placenta does not move I will most likely be labelled as "high risk" and will have to eventually go on bed rest.

The good news is, other than being a little on the small size, the baby is doing great. The heartbeat is strong and the baby is very active.

So they discharged me and said to take it easy. Nothing strenuous (i.e. no lifting and no sex). But better safe than sorry.

My plan is to take life easy and to ignore a lot of the crap that comes my way (read: work). I'll be talking to my managers tomorrow to see what we can do at work to make things easier, and there will be no more quick stops at the grocery store on my way home from work.

It's no surprise that the baby is small. I haven't quite gained 10 pounds yet. I've been eating a lot of fruits and veggies and don't really have the appetite for meats. I will do my best to pack on the pounds in the next 2 weeks and hope that the baby absorbs most of it.

First Visit to L&D

2010-09-04T09:51:00.002-06:00

My worst fears started to come true last night. Around 10 pm I started to feel a little wet "down there". While the one side of my brain was worrying, the rational side kept saying "relax, it's just some discharge, perfectly normal". Only it wasn't. I was bleeding.

In about 2 minutes flat I peed, changed into jeans, grabbed my purse, told Hubby to put his jeans on, fed the cats and was out the door.

At my 18 week anatomy ultrasound my uterus was really contracted (a side effect of holding a bladder full of pee for a long time). It wouldn't relax and the tech couldn't get a clear shot of my placenta. She said that it was awfully close to my cervix, but couldn't be sure of its exact location. I was told by my Dr. to go straight to the hospital, do not stop and pass GO, if I experienced any bleeding at all.

So that's what we did last night. First let me say that babies must really like to screw with long weekends. Labour & Delivery (L&D) was full up - but they did manage to find me a bed. By then the bleeding was slowing down and thankfully I wasn't cramping at all.

I was of course panicked. Not in a freaking out in tears kind of way, but rather in an eerie calm sort of way (except for my shaking hands). The nurse went to put me on the monitor and had some trouble finding the Progeny's heartbeat. I was sure that it was all over. But she found it! And it was strong and steady. I was on the monitor for about an hour. He was a superstar. Lots of movement and the heartbeat stayed steady.

They wanted to do an ultrasound rather than a pelvic exam due to the potential risk of placenta previa, but there was no way to have a complete diagnostic scan done until the morning. Since they were really busy they debated keeping until morning or sending me home. The Doctor on call finally decided to take a peek at my cervix first. She did and it looked good.

Before sending me home she gave me a prescription for a second inhaler in hopes that will help with my allergic cough that I have developed in the past 2 weeks. Her theory is that I burst a blood vessel when I was coughing.

This morning I spoke with the nurse. The doctors have decided to wait until Tuesday for my ultrasound (again, most likely due to the long weekend). Until then, my butt will either be on the couch or in bed. Which sucks, but better safe than sorry.

Once An Infertile, Always An Infertile

2010-09-02T16:51:00.003-06:00

This is the post where you all get to see what a small person I am. Earlier today I got an e-mail from a friend that I've known since high school. She announced that she's 20 weeks pregnant.

Of course this is good news, I know that this is good news. When isn't a baby good news? Instead I got sad and even a little angry.

You see this will be her 3rd child. Each of her children was conceived as an "oops", and each child has a different father. She didn't have to pay close to $10,000 just to get pregnant.

I've been together with Hubby since before she got pregnant with her first. We did the responsible thing and finished our schooling, got jobs, got married, and bought a house long before we ever started to TTC. And we tried (oh lord how we tried) to get pregnant. I'm not saying that we will be better parents or that we will have more love for our child than she will, but we certainly know which blessings to count.

I wonder if she were to tell me that she struggled to conceive this time if I would be happier for her?

Progeny Update

2010-08-28T13:28:00.005-06:00

Hi all, I thought I'd give you a quick update on how our Progeny is doing. I had my monthly doctor appointment today. No worries on weight gain (although I am the heaviest that I have ever been), my blood pressure is a little low, but they are happy about that. The baby's heartbeat (although hard to find because of activity) is strong and regular at 140 bpm.

My only complaint is my allergies which, although they are better this summer than the past 2 summers, are a pain in the butt. I also seem to have developed a smoker's cough - presumably from all of the forest fire smoke in the air. My doctor said that she would rather I not suffer and prescribed an antihistamine spray to take until the season ends.

It's nearly time for the dreaded glucose tolerance test. That's where they have me drink a glass of nearly pure syrup and then take my blood to see how I process it in order to check for gestational diabetes. I'm not looking forward to that one, but at least I don't have to fast!

And they booked my next ultrasound appointment for early October. One of the benefits of being a wee bit older, and having a stubborn child, means that you get to have a lot more ultrasounds. This next one will be #4. It will be interesting to see the changes that have occurred in the past 3 months.

Hopefully by then our household renovations will be complete. As you know, we have been de-80's our house for the past 6 years, one room at a time (as we can afford it). We've put off doing the bedrooms out of laziness (it's a pain to clean out the rooms). We're finally doing it. So, starting next week we will be living in disarray for awhile. Both bedrooms and the hall are getting new floors, both closets will get new organizers and doors, the track lighting is getting the boot, we'll freshen up the paint, and the guest/baby room will get new blinds. It will look great when it's done, but it's a pain in the butt to get it done!

Once the work is done we can finally start buying things for the Progeny. I know that we have lots of time left, but we know that it will go by quickly as well. Hopefully the renos don't drain our savings completely.

While walking home from my appointment today (and listening to my iPod) I've decided that the theme song to this pregnancy should be I Wanna Be Sedated by The Ramones!

And that's about it.

Wordless Wednesday - Playground Sign WIN

2010-08-25T07:30:00.001-06:00

What would I do these days for entertainment if it wasn't for FAIL Blog?

She Ain't Heavy...

2010-08-20T07:25:00.005-06:00

Ever have one of those days? You know the kind where you just tend to be in a funk, and you have trouble seeing the good instead of the bad?

The last 2 days my allergies have been kicking my butt. Smoke from forest fires in our neighbouring province has been making it's way to our city. Add that to plain old seasonal allergies and I'm a stuffed up mess. Tuesday night I took an allergy pill (yes, I'm allowed to, though I try not to if I can manage without). While that did help me sleep, it also put the Progeny to sleep and I didn't feel him move at all on Wednesday night (I still only feel movement at night).

So yesterday at work (the workday itself was really good) I was really distracted because I was so worried. Each time I was alone (in the elevator, my car, the bathroom, etc), I'd put my hand on my belly and try to tell the Progeny to give me a kick or two. And each time nothing. I was really worried. My belly didn't feel as big as it did earlier in the week either. By this point I'm just a Debbie Downer seeing everything as a negative sign.

But in the evening 2 things happened: 1 - I had a massage and the Progeny gave me a couple of pokes while I was on the table (phew). 2 - I received a parcel in the mail when I got home.

I'm sure that I've mentioned once or twice (or a hundred times) how the internet was my saving grace after my loss. Message boards are the "pen pals" of the 21st century. Via the internet and message boards I've made some amazing friends. One of them sent me this All the way from Ireland!

I can't describe the feeling of knowing that there are "strangers" in this world who care about my well being.

So if you're reading this I want you to know that I value each and every one of you and I also care about you and your well being. Whenever you are feeling down about anything (TTC, IF, or pregnancy related - or other) reach out. I will be there for you. A virtual hug may not quite be the same as a real hug, but it still helps.

22 Weeks

2010-08-16T14:54:00.004-06:00

This past week I reached another pregnancy milestone - I felt the baby move! Everyone had told me that it would feel like "flutters" or "bubbles" across my belly. They were wrong. I can definitely feel pokes.

At first there was just 1 so I wasn't sure what I was feeling and didn't want to announce that it was movement. A couple of days after that I didn't just feel a poke, I felt a definite "poke, poke, poke"! And a few days later, I felt a real kick.

The movement isn't consistent yet. I only seem to feel it in the evening when I'm sitting on the couch and when my bladder is getting full. Plus having an anterior placenta makes feeling any movement a challenge!

Wordless Wednesday - Attachment Parenting?

2010-08-11T08:00:00.000-06:00

Poke, Poke, Poke

2010-08-10T18:30:00.004-06:00

I am now positive that I have felt our Progeny move! I thought I felt a poke on the weekend, but it was just once and I wasn't sure. I have been diagnosed with an anterior placenta as well, so it's not uncommon to not feel anything for several more weeks.

But tonight, as I was checking out the message boards, my right hand on my mouse, my left on my belly I felt a definite poke, poke, poke. I poked back, and so did he! And then nothing.

Hubby is out of town this week so he missed the big event. I did text him before I updated you though.

I'm so happy, he's in there, he really is!

My Birthday is Only 8 Months Away - Give or Take

2010-08-05T17:52:00.003-06:00

Okay, my birthday is still a way away. Is it too early to request a specific cake? 'Cause I found the perfect one this morning.

Mmmm, it looks delicious!

WARNING: Rant Ahead

2010-07-28T17:15:00.004-06:00

Being pregnant somehow makes you a magnet to stupid comments and unwanted advice. I'm really trying to gather all the patience that I can in order to deal with this. By nature I'm a very private person, and ever since I was a very small child, I have hated to be told what to do! I've already blogged about some of the comments here and here so I won't rehash it all again.

This is a private blog. Known only to strangers (although some of you have become friends) and a couple of hand-selected, close friends in real life. I also have a personal blog known to my friends and family in the real world.

I think it was after being asked again whether or not my pregnancy was planned, or maybe it was after seeing a comment on getting lots of sleep now from someone on Facebook, that I finally had it. It was the proverbial final straw of my politeness.

Being mindful that others probably also don't like to receive unwanted advice I wrote a carefully worded post asking people to please stop with the comments. I promised to ask if I had questions, but for now, I didn't want to hear about it.

Can you guess what the result was? Oh go ahead, you know you want to! The result was I didn't hear from anyone in my family or close friends for 2 weeks. I didn't even hear from my mom when I e-mailed her our ultrasound photos on Friday! I finally sent her an e-mail on Monday saying WTF? - and she replied "I didn't want you to think that I was giving you unwanted advice".

Yup, I apparently offended several people at whom the post was never even directed at!

So I give up! I know you can't please everyone, but this is ridiculous! So I took down the post (although I was tempted to write a new one entitled "Grow Up"). And I think that I will stop with the pregnancy updates too (except here of course).

Anyway, I'm so frustrated I could just scream! And all along I thought that it was the pregnant women who were supposed to be all emotional and irrational!

Wordless Wednesday - Another Parenting Fail!

2010-07-28T06:00:00.001-06:00

Again I'm trying to figure out the inner dialogue going on in this Mom's mind. First at the store when she bought the baby stripper outfit, then as she looked around the house for a suitable "stripper pole" for a baby, and then as she tried to figure out an appropriate routine for a 4 month old. I just don't get it.

You would think that by now the folks over at Failblog.org would have enough material like this to start a whole new website. Kate over at Busted Plumbing likes to refer to these photos as "And Yet These People Can Procreate?" It's such a kick to the uterus to the Infertiles to see such things (so why to I keep sharing them?).

Had a Doctor Appointment Today

2010-07-27T21:15:00.003-06:00

With each milestone, I start to feel more relaxed and excited. I had an appointment with my Doctor today. Each time I hear that heartbeat on the doppler it brings me such joy. I'm sorely tempted to go to one of those places where you can pay them to record the heartbeat and then they will put it into a teddy bear for you. I could listen to that sound all day.

The bad news is that my placenta is low and may be covering the cervix. The doctor is not worried as she said that is common and it will most likely move (did you know that a placenta could move? I keep picturing it like a little crab walking all over my uterus now). But to make sure I will have to have another ultrasound in about 10 weeks. Oh shucks. Until then if I experience any bleeding, no matter how slight, I am to get my butt to the hospital ASAP! Thank goodness that hasn't been a problem.

While I might not be comfortable enough to rush out to buy things for the baby just yet, I've had a smile on my face ever since the appointment.

The doctor did say to add more calcium to my diet. So, being the cooperative patient that I am, I got myself a Blizzard on the way home. I told Hubby that I was just following doctor's orders!

My Own FAIL Blog photo

2010-07-25T19:18:00.002-06:00

I came across this little gem while out shopping today:

Sad really. I guess the consolation is that it was found in the clearance section.

18 Week Ultrasound!

2010-07-23T14:54:00.003-06:00

As I mentioned yesterday, today was my 18 week ultrasound. I've got to be honest with you. I was terrified. I don't know if I was scared because of our prior loss and the fact that I still haven't felt any movement, or if because I've known so many women who've had mid-pregnancy losses. Either way I was definitely more scared than excited.

This morning I dreamed about the appointment. I dreamed that we got into the exam room and the technician asked Hubby "how long has the dementia been here?" I'm thinking: dementia? What the heck is she talking about? Sure I'm more forgetful lately but why is she talking dementia?

While this dialogue is going through my head Hubby calmly answers "oh, about a month now". So now I'm totally confused! Next thing I know she showing us that the baby is a boy. Then the cat woke me up. Pregnancy does strange things to your mind!

Our actual appointment was not like that at all. The technician was great and didn't bring up dementia at all! She even put my mind at ease by telling me that she didn't feel any movement in her pregnancy until week 24.

The baby is very, very active. She had a lot of trouble getting the shots she needed to take the right measurements. Thankfully, all organs and bones are where they should be and look great. The heartbeat was 150 BPM.

My uterus was somewhat contracted so she couldn't get a good look at my uterus. Then the baby was blocking our view and would not move so she couldn't check the umbilical cord either. She said that there is a tiny chance of placenta previa and said that I will have to come back in another 10 weeks or so for another ultrasound. She really wasn't concerned so I'm not concerned - and I'll get to see the baby again!

Enough of my ramblings, here's the baby!

The Terminator face:

Profile shot with open mouth:

Right ear

Right foot

Do You Know What Tomorrow Is?

2010-07-22T09:01:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow's a big day in the Yuppy household. Do you know what I'm talking about? No, not even a guess? I'll give you a couple of clues.

I'm not referring to the impending arrival of Hubby's parents for the weekend
A 3rd kitten is not in the works
We aren't buying a new car (we already did that - did I mention that to you all?)

No guesses yet?

It is Friday
The weather is supposed to be awesome
Hubby will have to leave work for about an hour and a half

How about now? Should I put you out of your misery?

I need to drink 500mL at 9:30am
Shortly after (with a full bladder) Hubby and I will most likely have to wait about a half hour in a crowded waiting room with old magazines

Okay, I'm out of cryptic clues. Tomorrow is our anatomy scan!! I'll get to see our baby again. I can't wait to see him/her moving around in there (since I can't feel anything yet). So keep your fingers crossed that it all goes well.

Updates to follow!

Wordless Wednesday - Fetal Facepalm!

2010-07-21T05:30:00.000-06:00

Caption: These are my parents?

Possibly referring to this guy:

No Sitter? No Problem!

2010-07-18T16:38:00.004-06:00

It's the weekend. What to do, what to do? You know what I'd really like to do right now? I'd love to go to the pub and play some VLT's. Oh darn, I can't do that, I don't have a sitter. Oh wait, I have an idea! It's the perfect plan. Win-win some might even say:

I was trying to figure out the inner dialogue in the above woman's mind. I'm sure it went something like that.

Got another idea of how this mom (& baby) ended up gambling together? Leave it in the comments! So many of you are super creative, I can't wait to read them.

Stating the Obvious

2010-07-16T12:13:00.006-06:00

***WARNING*** This post may turn into a rant.

Do you remember when I posted about the unwanted advice and comments that people are now sharing with me? As predicted, it's getting worse. While I know that people are trying to be helpful (or maybe not), you have to understand that I am a very independent and stubborn woman. I don't like to receive unsolicited advice. I am mature enough to ask for help if I want it.

Earlier this week (while still on holidays) I posted as my Facebook status: It's Monday morning, I'm on vacation, so why am I awake at 7am? One of the comments was "get used to it, it's training" - Um yeah, okay. Like I'm not already up at 5:30 am on weekdays to go to work?

Other comments have included: Your house has a lot of stairs you better get some baby gates - Really? I hadn't noticed that we have stairs in our house. Plus, I also didn't realize that newborns were able to climb stairs.

But by far the worst comment that I have heard (by more than one person) is: Was this planned? - Who the Hell asks someone that? 1 - it's none of your business & 2 - it's none of your business!

I do realize that people are trying to be nice, but I wonder - did they actually enjoy hearing these comments when they were pregnant? Is that why they are regurgitating them to me?

So, to all those people out there full of obvious remarks and useless advice I just have to say:

I am a 37 year old woman, who is financially secure, and owns her own home (in conjunction with the bank). I was not deposited on this planet last week. I am fully aware of what my responsibilities towards my offspring will be. You are not aware of my situation and therefore should not assume that you know everything. If you wish to state the obvious, do not do so in my presence or you risk the wrath of an angry pregnant woman!

Gotta Go (always)

2010-07-08T19:42:00.003-06:00

May I say that I have always prided myself on the size of my bladder? I know, it sounds really, really weird, but it's true. Imagine you're in a bar with your friends and for every 3 bathroom trips that they make, you make one.

But now my bladder has rebelled! I swear that I get the urge to pee every 30 - 45 minutes. And the crappy part is (definitely no pun intended) that usually, I don't really need to go. Plus, even though I've been sleeping through the night without incident for the better part of 35 years, now I'm lucky to get 3 - 4 hours of sleep before the urge to go hits me.

If the baby is big enough to disrupt my bladder functions, why can't I feel him/her yet?

Okay, whining done.

Wordless Wednesday - Why Does it Feel Like Monday?

2010-07-07T11:25:00.002-06:00

An Observation

2010-07-05T07:00:00.000-06:00

Why is it that when you're an Infertile going through cycle after cycle of IPS and TTC that all you see everywhere are grim reminders that you're not pregnant? Like reserved "preggo parking" stalls? But when you are finally in the family way it's as if all of these stalls suddenly disappeared?

Those signs were a grim reminder to me for many years of what I didn't have and now they are few and far between. Maybe my problem is that I'm too honest. Looking back, I should have taken advantage of the preggo parking spaces during every single 2 week wait. After all, my body was giving me all of the symptoms that I was pregnant, I really should have just listened to it.

To my Infertile friends: don't make this same mistake. Take advantage of the preggo parking during your 2ww. No one will question you. Besides, in your mind you ARE pregnant.

16 Weeks

2010-07-04T11:44:00.004-06:00

Can you believe that I'm 16 weeks pregnant? Nope, me neither.

Physically, I'm feeling really good. If I eat regularly I can keep the nausea and headaches away. I'm not nearly as fatigued as I was during the first trimester either. Next milestone: feeling the baby move (hurry up!).

Hubby and I started to do some budgeting to figure out what this kid is going to cost us (initial costs - we haven't even begun to look at things like school and activities yet). Babies don't come cheap, and why do they need so many things?

We agree that we will not buy certain items used: crib, crib mattress, car seat, stroller, etc. I've looked up some items for sale online used already and there's quite a few available: glider, change table. But, no matter how good the deals are, we aren't buying anything until September at the earliest.

One of my co-workers lives for babies. If she sees a baby or a toddler the world stops for her. She's probably more excited (at least openly) about our baby than we are. Every day she comes to me with tips and advice - and while I know she's well-meaning, it's really annoying. Last week she told me about a baby clothing sale at Zellers. I said thanks, but we won't be buying anything until the fall at least. I think that she was upset that I didn't drop everything and rush to the store! Besides, what would be the point of buying baby clothes now? Our baby will be born in the winter not the summer.

24 weeks to go.

When a Door Closes, Open a Window

2010-07-02T10:43:00.002-06:00

This morning while lying in bed thinking of reasons not to get up (as always, my bladder won - its entirely incapable of having a rational argument), I got to thinking about all of the losses that my Internet friends have experienced lately. Some of them past 20 weeks of pregnancy.

With this pregnancy I've tried to get excited as I reach various milestones (seeing the heartbeat, making it past my loss date, a successful NT scan, finishing the 1st trimester), but I truly can't get excited. So much can still happen. I haven't felt the baby move yet (usually happens between 16 - 20 weeks), and I know that this is the next milestone that I am reaching for.

By all accounts this has been a successful and uneventful pregnancy and I know that I should be thrilled. And truly some small part of me is. But I have seen too much heartache as an Infertile. Do you remember when I posted about Brandi and her most recent loss? Hers was also an uneventful pregnancy.

I didn't intend for this post to be all about my fears - just trust me, they're still here. Back to lying in bed. I got to thinking that the Internet is a blessing and a curse. I've learned so much and met some wonderful people - and I know without them I would have had a hard time moving on from my loss. But it also reminds me that there is so much pain and loss out there. What is it in the Universe that wants some families to have such heartache? And for some repeated heartache?

So this morning I'm all down and pissy about the Universe. Then I jump online and find this post by Brandi. It seems the Universe has given hope back to Brandi and David. And they need it. I think that they have suffered enough and I, for one, am thrilled at the possibility of them finally becoming parents in 2010.

Today I saw that when a door closes another opens. Or something like that. Congratulations Brandi and David. My fingers are crossed for you.

Wordless Wednesday - 1 Day 'Til the Season Starts!

2010-06-30T05:31:00.000-06:00

Go Riders Go! I love the CFL!

The Funeral - Our first family event while pregnant

2010-06-28T09:56:00.000-06:00

I promise do my best not to drag you all down with this post. I can't blog about the funeral on my public blog as my family reads it.

A few of my aunt's last wishes were that any funeral service be "short and snappy". Unfortunately that did not happen! The funeral started at least 20 minutes late - she would have been livid! My cousin and his wife were delivering the eulogy. His wife is by far one of the nicest people on the planet and she spoke from the heart recounting stories of my aunt. My cousin on the other hand, spoke a lot about himself.

It will be hard to recount what he said for you to get the full effect. He went on for at least 30 minutes and mentioned Viagra at least twice (I'm sure I heard my aunt rolling over in her casket!). I'm sure that he was high. It wasn't all bad - he read the lyrics to the song "Why" by Rascal Flatts and it was 100% appropriate.

The funeral itself was over an hour and a half long (another turn in the casket). After that the family went to the cemetery for the burial. Then we returned to the church for a reception.

This was the first family event that we've attended since the pregnancy. Many asked us about it and we received a lot of "congratulations". I didn't want to make this time about us (although they said that my aunt was very happy for us), this was a time for her family.

This is where it gets really interesting. I have a great aunt who loves to stir the pot and cause trouble in the family. Thus far Hubby and I have been immune to her barbs and jabs. We decided that if the opportunity arose, we would do a little pot-stirring ourselves (I know, we're bad).

So Great Aunt C comes by to say congratulations to us during the reception. The first thing she asks us is "was this an accident?" (and so the jabs begin). We assured her that it definitely was not an accident. Then she starts to go on about what it means to be a parent and the lifetime commitment that it is so Hubby said "What? I thought that this was a 5 year commitment tops!" She didn't really know what to say to that so she went on about parenting, blah, blah, blah so I said "Actually, we've decided to have the baby live with the grandparents for the first 10 years". She was taken aback and said that my parents are retired and wouldn't want that commitment. So we replied that both sets of grandparents could take turns.

I know it's not nice to poke fun at an old lady, but if I know anything, it's that she is going to write a long letter to my grandma telling her about the day. (My grandparents weren't able to travel to attend the funeral). I did not want my Great Aunt C to focus on how my cousin was high on painkillers or how my uncle walked around in a fog, how the guests started to eat the snacks before the family returned from the cemetery, or even how the funeral started late. If Hubby and I have to be the topic of her next letter, then so be it. We're tough, we can handle it. Besides, I told my mom after and she thought it was very funny.

My Aunt

2010-06-27T10:00:00.000-06:00

My aunt deserves a post all of her own. I will do my best to do her justice.

She was born in 1937. My grandpa went off to war when she was only 4 years old and was gone for nearly 5 years. In that time she learned the importance of hard work, sacrifice, and prudence. She lived in a 2 room house with no running water with my grandma. My grandma often had a friend or family member staying at the house who was attending school in town. Can you imagine how cramped they must have been?

Even so, my grandma managed to save a bit of money from every paycheque that was sent to hear by the army so that they were able to buy a house after the war.

I think that it was during these formative years that my aunt learned how to be independent.

She married young (at 21), and bucking the trend at the time, was not a housewife. She worked full time as a legal assistant. She told me on many occasions that a woman should always have her own money and her own bank account.

Though unable to have children of her own, she adopted 2 in the mid sixties (my older cousins). She was a strict parent, but I'm sure that she had to be. She had 2 kids and was working full time. This was in the days before microwaves and boil in bag meals, so she had to plan all her meals in advance. My grandma once told me that my aunt would put a roast in the oven in the morning and set the oven timer to cook it later in the day.

I think that she enjoyed working as she worked until she was 65 (thought she could have retired much sooner).

Her house was always spotless and she had a soft spot for stray animals. We both hate raisins and we both love cats. I hope that I can be as organized as she was once we are parents.

She was only 72 when she passed, while that is much too young, I do find solace in knowing that she did not suffer for too long. I will always be reminded of her whenever I eat a pickled beet (we both enjoyed them) or when I see a Hummel figurine (she was an avid collector).

My Week

2010-06-26T21:18:00.004-06:00

Have you ever had "one of those days"? You know, the kind where something mildly irritating happens first thing in the day and that seems to set the tone for the entire day. Well, I've just come through one of those weeks!

The past seven days have been filled with ups and downs leaving me thoroughly exhausted. I feel like I've just run a marathon (well, I'm guessing that my muscles would hurt a lot more if I ran a marathon, but since I have zero desire to do that, this is close enough). Where to begin??

~Saturday~

We've been half-heartedly trying to sell my Rav4 since April. It's been a great vehicle and we both liked it, but Hubby felt like now was the time to upgrade to a bit bigger of a vehicle while we were both still working. We've had lots of people come to see it and make inquiries, but all of the offers that we had were ridiculously low. Finally last week a nice couple came by, they loved it, and offered our asking price - the catch? They wanted it ASAP!

So last Saturday we sold it - I signed it over and I was carless (which is a lot better than being homeless). No big deal. We had already looked at other cars and had one picked out. We'd give the dealership a call and hopefully by next weekend we could pick it up. In the meantime, I would drive Hubby to & from work everyday.

~Sunday~

Hubby and I were all excited today. The day started out great, the weather was perfect and we had a great morning on the patio enjoying it. The CFL pre-season had started and our favourite team was in town to play the local team, and we had tickets.

The day got steadily worse from there (and worse is an extreme understatement). First, our team lost. No wait, scratch that, they were annihilated. But, it was a pre-season game, so we weren't too upset. Then we got home.

A message from my mom awaited. When we spoke she let me know that my aunt had passed away earlier in the day. I won't rehash it all here, but I will say that I was shocked. I knew that she was sick, but I thought that she would have more time.

~Monday - Wednesday~

I had to try to cram a week's worth of work into 3 days, reschedule client meetings, drive Hubby to/from work, make travel arrangements, find a cat sitter, and - oh yeah, and now we need a new car ASAP!

We ate like crap all week. I can't remember cooking any meals at home - and that is totally not like us at all. And did I mention that the dishwasher broke - again!?

One up from this week is that I had my 14 week Dr. appointment and I got to hear the baby's heartbeat again. I recorded it on my iPhone for Hubby who wasn't able to make it to my appointment.

We were also able to pick up our new car on Wednesday night. But it was so hard to be excited about getting it knowing that we would be driving it to my aunt's funeral.

~Thursday - Saturday~

We drove 6.5 hours to get back to our homeland. It is by far, the most boring drive to make. If you don't believe me, try driving through the prairies in spring sometime. There is nothing to see. The crops aren't up, and there aren't a lot of trees or anything. It's so boring it's exhausting. But we got there in one piece - the new car was great.

The funeral was on Friday. I think I'll create a post all of its own maybe tomorrow or Monday.

And then we drove home again today.

I'm pooped!

Now I realize that this is one of the longest, most boring posts that I have ever written. If you made it this far I appreciate your dedication.

I'm grateful that this week is finally over.

A Very Sad Father's Day

2010-06-20T17:54:00.002-06:00

Please forgive me in advance for the absence of posts this week. My aunt passed away this morning. She was only 72 and it all happened rather suddenly.

Earlier this year she was to have a cyst removed from her ovary. Days before the surgery it burst, and the biopsy revealed that there were some cancer cells. As a precaution, because it had burst, she was to have 6 chemo treatments. The first 5 went really well (as well as chemo treatments can go). However at the 6th one her blood work showed some anomalies.

This past Thursday she had a CT scan that revealed a number of small tumors in her abdomen. The Doctor was not very optimistic and predicted that she only had months to live.

She had been in a lot of pain and I suspect that the diagnosis made her give up. On Saturday night she was admitted into palliative care and she passed away this morning.

I had begun to compose a letter to her in my mind remembering all the good times that we had had when I was young (I wanted to share them with her before she passed). However, although I had good intentions of mailing her the letter tomorrow, I never even got my thoughts transferred to paper.

My aunt was an infertile as well (she adopted her 2 kids). Unfortunately women who have never been pregnant often have higher rates of "girly" cancers (ovarian, uterine and cervical). Fortunately for those of us now we can take The Pill and and that will help to prevent some of these cancers. But I doubt that my aunt ever had that opportunity (or maybe didn't see the point).

Please, please do these things for me:

Tell your loved ones that you love them now. Remember together your shared memories before it's too late.
Go to your doctor for regular checks ups (including annual Pap smears). Don't be afraid to bring up anything that you may have a question about.
If you are unable to get pregnant (or if you are not ready) please ask your doctor about birth control as it may one day save your life.

First Strange Pregnancy Dream

2010-06-16T16:55:00.003-06:00

Last night I had the strangest dream. I dreamed that we had gone to our next ultrasound appointment. When the image first appeared on the screen everything was normal. Then, another baby appeared on the screen. What? Twins? How did nobody figure this out sooner?

The tech goes back to the first baby and tells us it's a boy. Then she goes to the "new" baby and all of a sudden it has 8 arms! I started to freak out but all the u/s tech cared about was trying to figure out the sex.

Then we're talking to the Dr (I guess it was the Dr.) and everyone is telling us that we have to terminate. I was so shocked and scared and didn't know what to do. I didn't want to do anything to risk the "original" baby, but still couldn't figure out why the heck I'm now having twins and one has 8 arms!

The next thing I know I'm walking through the halls and a nurse comes up and stops me. She said to me "It looks like they used my husband's sperm instead of yours. You're having my husband's baby."

So now I'm A: having twins B: One of them has 8 arms, and C: apparently they aren't Hubby's.

Can anyone figure out what the heck this is supposed to represent?

Since waking up I now have a strong feeling that the baby is a boy. Hubby should be happy.

Wordless Wednesday - Hear No Advice...

2010-06-16T06:00:00.000-06:00

The Comments Keep on Coming

2010-06-14T16:34:00.005-06:00

We all know that once you become pregnant you become a beacon for unwanted advice and eventually unwanted belly rubs (I can't wait for that one - no really, give it a rub, but you'll lose a hand). If that annoys you (and of course it does), try having a due date right around Christmas!

The latest comments that we have been getting now include "Christmas is such a horrible time to have a baby".

Oh wow. How do you respond to that one? Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of responses, but none are really suitable for posting on a public forum. So tell me, what would you say?

And So It Begins

2010-06-11T12:20:00.002-06:00

The questions and the advice that is. This is exactly why I wanted to wait a few weeks (heck, even a few months) longer to let the people in our lives know that I am pregnant.

Hubby and I are by and large very private people (says the lady with a blog). We went away to get married rather than subject ourselves to being on show, we moved 6 hours away from our family (although that was to find work), and we actually enjoy spending Xmas alone, just the 2 of us.

We decided not to make any grand announcements (I stuck by my Facebook promise) that we are expecting. But as the word spreads, the questions and the advice have begun.

Do you know what you are having? - Um no, I'm only 12 weeks pregnant so it's too soon to tell for sure.
Are you going to find out the sex? - Most likely - but we don't plan on sharing that information. Everyone will find out soon enough.
What room will the baby get? - Since our house is technically a 2 bedroom (we have 2 other rooms that we sometimes use for guests, but they are not "legal" bedrooms), the baby will get the second bedroom.
How do you plan on decorating the nursery? - How the heck would I know? Seriously. It took us over 7 years to buy ourselves a matching bedroom set. Why would we rush to judgement on what the Offspring's room will be like?
What about the cats? - What about the cats?

Do you notice one big, important question that is missing? No one actually asks what our due date is! I would think that this would be the first question that you would ask! Sheesh!

I've also received some offers for assistance on meal planning, shopping, decorating, and how to get rid of morning sickness.

Ah, well meaning friends and family. I need to develop some patience 'cause I know that the advice is going to get more frequent.

I will say, if anyone - and I mean anyone, makes a suggestion that I get rid of my cats I will tell them, without prejudice where they can stick their opinions!

Wordless Wednesday - Irony

2010-06-09T06:00:00.000-06:00

Introducing...

2010-06-07T16:12:00.003-06:00

Our baby!

Today was our NT scan. Everything went absolutely perfect! They were very impressed. The baby was moving around a ton and they had some trouble gettin

g a clear shot. Also, my ovaries are still really swollen (my left ovary is actually bigger than the baby).

But you don't want to hear about that do you? You probably want to see our little gremlin.

Here s/he is!

Update on Brandi

2010-06-06T17:31:00.000-06:00

Thank you to everyone who said a prayer for Brandi. She is feeling well enough again to update her blog now so I will direct you all over to Baby Steps to read about her progress. She has posted photos of her stillborn son Evan so please be aware if this will upset you.